


Roxy's mistake

by lucyrue13



Series: The Apartment Complex from Hell [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Body Image, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Instability, Self-Hatred, Strong Female Characters, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-06
Updated: 2016-09-06
Packaged: 2018-08-13 09:00:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7970857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucyrue13/pseuds/lucyrue13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Roxy is left at home alone while Jane delivers baked goods, and she nearly drinks herself to death on accident.</p><p> </p><p>(also teaspoon serving of Dirkjake if you squint)</p><p>(update: yikes, this is bad, idk wtf I was thinking when I wrote/posted this, but y i k e s im suffering)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Roxy's mistake

**Author's Note:**

> So, I wrote this at my grandma's over the weekend, and thought it'd be good to post it. I realize now that Roxy's character is a bit flat in this story, but that may just be me? Personally I feel like there's a lot more to this darling babe than just her alcoholism, but I don't think that really came across well here. I mainly wrote this as a way to express what I was feeling, so if Roxy seems a little (or a lot) ooc, that's probably why. ^~^'
> 
> Last thing! I have a headcannon that Jane is actually really strong (like, crazy strong), I'm sure others share this, but I've never seen it in a fanfic before, so here it is! :D
> 
> SEE TAGS FOR TRIGGER WARNINGS!!! I really don't want anyone to get triggered because of this, that's not fun :(

Roxy wasn’t an alcoholic by choice. She liked to think she had plenty of self-control when she found any kind of alcohol in the apartment. But the truth was quite the opposite.

Roxy was usually was quite cheerful and friendly while she was drunk, which was why she tried to stay that way as much as possible. This isn’t to say she wasn’t cheerful and happy while sober though. But whereas Roxy didn’t have a chance to think about anything while drunk, she was often alone and thought too much while sober.

Her friends tried to keep her busy while she was sober, and even more so when she was drunk. This kept the thoughts Roxy feared tucked safely away in her head. She just wished they would stay there on nights like these.

“Awww,” Roxy stuck her lip out and pouted as she emptied the last of the wine into her glass.

She downed it almost immediately, and sighed happily as alcohol settled onto her stomach. Her head spun only a little when she moved too fast, and her skin felt numb. This was the perfect feeling. Her thoughts danced across several different subjects, and Roxy found herself mumbling to the empty apartment and her cat. The cat was sitting in Jane’s potted plant under the windowsill, mutely facing the wall.

“Tumbles- I mean, Tubs,” Roxy’s voice slurred and she giggled at her own mistake. “Do you think I'm cute?” she called, then felt stupid for talking to the cat, "probs not. Ima prank call John!” She decided, pushing the empty wine glass away.

Roxy picked up her phone, only to whine in disappointment to find that it was thoroughly dead from texting Jake for the last hour. She tossed it to the side and stood up.

“Whoa!” Roxy grabbed the edge of the island bar to steady herself. The room swayed and shifted back into place as she stood still, giggling.

“Dum-dee dah,” she made her own sound effects as she stumbled to the stove. The cupboard above the stove always had alcohol in it, as Roxy often had parties for the whole apartment complex.

Surveying her options, which wasn’t much, Roxy settled on a half full whiskey and a tall bottle of something bright blue. The blue thing had a label in swirly letters, which Roxy gave up trying to read it in her current state.

“Yummy!” Roxy licked her lips at the sugary taste of the blue stuff.

Deciding to save the blue, she drank the rest of the whisky slowly. She didn’t particularly like the taste of the hard stuff, but it got her drunk faster, so she didn’t complain. Usually.

“Ugh!" She coughed as the last of the whisky slid hot down her throat. But it had the desired effect.

It took her only a few seconds to finish the blue stuff, and she tried to decipher the label.

“Hiptic? Hilpnot? Hilptic?” she laughed at her attempts. The room was spinning on it’s own now, and Roxy found herself swaying back and forth to keep up the rocking.

Her body felt light and numb, just the way she liked it. Roxy had always been careful about how much she drank, having only gone past her limit once before. It hadn’t been as much fun as she'd hoped.  
An unpleasant heaviness sat in her gut, and Roxy stumbled almost blindly to the bathroom. She managed to bump into every wall on the way.

The heaviness didn’t leave once she peed, much to her surprise. Instead her heart ached in her chest, a tight feeling constricting her throat. Roxy washed her hands clumsily, knocking over the soap bottle.

“Opps,” she muttered, righting the bottle.

She looked up and stared at herself in the mirror. Her blonde hair hung straight and flat against her cheeks, the curl she’d put in it long gone now. Her lips and cheeks were flushed dark pink from the drinks.

_I hate me._

The thought flashed through Roxy’s mind and she bit her lip, glancing at the rest of her body. She barely had any boobs or hips, and her skin stuck close to her bones. Some might say she was beautifully thin and supple, but Roxy thought she looked terrible.

Blinking, she shook her head, and wiped away tears that blurred her vision even more. Bumping into everything again, she hurried back to the kitchen. She reached for her phone to message Jane that it was time to come home, but remembered it was dead.

“Fuck,” Roxy really needed Jane. If Jane was here it was okay, the thoughts would go away, and the tightness in her chest would release. Roxy was at her limit, but all she could think to do was keep drinking. She didn't want to think anymore.

_You’re just a bother to her._

Roxy jerked at the thought. She had to do something before it got worse. She moved so fast her socked feet slipped on the hard floor. Her head slammed into the kitchen cabinets as her arms failed to catch her. Everything went black for a few seconds, but the pain was only momentary thanks to the alcohol. It took her a minute to get back on her feet as she laughed at herself.

“Opps,” she leaned heavily on the counter, body back to being numb.

_Have some more._

Roxy swallowed hard, it was tempting. Having more would make everything okay, things wouldn’t matter, and she wouldn’t have to care anymore. She was already drunk; a few more wouldn’t hurt… right?

Her hand froze on the vodka bottle, she barely remembered opening the cupboard or moving from one side of the kitchen to the other.

“I shouldn’t,” she whispered, eyes closed. She wanted to sleep.

_Why not?_

“If I drink too much I’ll die,” Roxy said, taking her hand off the bottle. Jane had told her that the last time she drank too much, and it had been a cold wake up call. Roxy didn’t really want to die, did she?

_One more won’t hurt._

The bottle was back in Roxy’s hand. Before she could think about it anymore, she took a huge gulp of the clear liquid. It burned, but the buzz was almost instant. Soon the vodka was gone, and Roxy had slid onto the floor, looking at the empty bottle longingly.

_More?_

Roxy couldn't stop herself from pulling another bottle out of the cupboard. Didn’t matter what it was as long as it had that buzz. She could barely think anymore now, and standing was getting a little more difficult every time she tried.

As Roxy drank her second bottle of wine, she thought about Jane. Her roommate had yet to return, and a part of Roxy didn’t really want her to. Jane would be so disappointed in her. Hell, she was disappointed in herself.

_She’s better off without you._

Roxy felt tears drip down her cheeks.

_She’s always picking up after you. You’re just a nuisance._

With a cry, Roxy threw the empty wine bottle to the side. It hit the floor with a crash, breaking into several large pieces.

Staggering to her feet, she walked into the living room. The cat was gone, probably hiding under the bed at Roxy’s outburst. Vision blurry and swimming in tears, she easily walked into the coffee table. Both fell onto their sides.

Roxy sobbed into the rug, unaware of how loud her cries were. She could barely hear or see anything anymore. The world was spinning around her, and all Roxy could do was close her eyes and lie there.

_Why won’t you just die?_

Roxy abruptly stopped crying. She took a stuttering breath and let herself slip into sleep. The darkness was a warm comfort to the pain in her chest. Blood seeped onto the floor from a cut on her forehead where she had hit the kitchen cabinets.

Roxy wasn’t an alcoholic by choice. She told herself she could stop anytime, that she was still in control.

But that was a lie.

 

* * *

 

 

Jane told herself not to worry. Roxy often forgot to check her messages while working on her laptop, Jane was sure she was fine. She'd had been delivering baked goods around town for several hours, and she was thoroughly exhausted.

What could Roxy possibly get into in such a short amount of time? Jane could think of a lot of things.

Despite this, she still took the steps to the second floor two at a time. It took her a minute to get the front door unlocked, as the keys were in the bottom of her bag.

“Roxy?” Jane called, closing the front door behind her, “Roxy, you home?”

It was only about seven in the evening, but Roxy had a tendency to find herself at the nearest nightclub or party no matter what hour of the day it was. Unless she was working on a particularly interesting bit of computer code. The apartment was silent for a moment before the cat meowed from one of the bedrooms.

“Hello to you too, Tubs,” Jane giggled, kicking off her shoes.

It only took her two steps into the kitchen to realize something was very wrong. Half a dozen alcohol bottles littered the island, and a wine bottle was broken on the other side of the room.

“Roxy?” Jane dropped her purse on the kitchen island and tried not to panic, “are you here?”

Worry gnawed at her stomach as Jane cautiously walked around the broken bottle to the living room.

“Roxy!” Jane ran to her friend’s side, kicking the overturned coffee table away with one foot.

Jane lifted Roxy into her arms. She brushed away Roxy’s blonde hair from the cut, which had scabbed over. Jane leaned close and felt warm breath on her cheek, but it was shallow.

Jane picked Roxy up carefully and set her down gently on the couch. She ran for her purse was back by Roxy’s side as her phone rang for Dirk.

“Jane?” Dirk said, “What’s up, you never call-”

“Dirk!” Jane cried, “it’s Roxy!”

“Shit, is she okay?”

“Not really, I need you to drive us to the hospital,” Jane said, fighting to keep her voice steady.

“I’ll be right down.”

Jane gathered Roxy up in her arms again and carried her bride style to the door. Dirk and Jake were waiting for her on the other side, and they all hurried to the hospital. Dirk may have exceeded the speed limit several times, but no one complained and there weren’t any cops around.

Jake kept trying to reassure Jane that Roxy would be fine, and Jane told herself not to worry. Roxy would be fine. Jane had to be strong for everyone, even as Roxy’s breathing began to slow, she kept her composure.

As the nurses took Roxy away on a stretcher, Jane turned to Dirk and Jake with a relieved smile, and promptly broke down into tears.

 

* * *

 

 

Roxy woke up to the sounds of her pulse beeping on monitors. The hospital room was dark, the curtains drawn closed. Her head hurt like hell, and she wanted a drink. Something warm was wrapped around her hand and she looked down.

Jane was fast asleep in the chair next to her bed, hand holding her own. Roxy felt a wave of guilt. Her friend had probably been there all night, keeping watch over her. She couldn’t remember what had happened after she hit her head on the cabinets, but she knew it must have been bad if she was in the hospital.

Roxy squeezed Jane’s hand, “I’m sorry,” she whispered, wishing she would've just died.

Jane moaned and shifted, blinking at Roxy a few times.

“Roxy?” She sat up.

“Hey, Janey,” Roxy tried to smile, “what’s a cute girl like you doing-”

Roxy was cut off as Jane stood and pulled her into a tight hug.

“Dammit! Roxy!” Jane’s voice cracked, “you scared me!

Jane pulled away and wiped at her tears, trying to put on a stern motherly look.

“D-don’t do that again!” she said, bottom lip quivering as she sat back down.

Roxy blinked away tears of her own, “I’m sorry,” she breathed, the ache in her chest tight.

“Don’t be sorry,” Jane said, “just tell me what happened, so I can help.” Jane took Roxy’s hand, holding it tight.

Roxy covered her face with her free hand, crying softly. Jane was too good for this, she was much too kind for her own good. Roxy wished she could muster the words to tell her that. What had she done to earn a friend like Jane? Nothing.  
Roxy made a promise to herself that day, and later she told it to Jane. She’d never listen to that voice again, and one day Roxy would be worthy of Jane’s friendship.

Roxy wasn’t an alcoholic by choice. But she could damn well chose when to drink.

**Author's Note:**

> I had a lot of trouble ending this piece, so if it seems abrupt, that's why. :3
> 
> Also, I may make this into a series, switching between characters of course, but each one shot will take place in the same au. Let me know what you think of that, or if you'd like to see more of these lovelies <3


End file.
